You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
