I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
