Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
