just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
