Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
