He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My vagina is officially offended.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
