You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
