Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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