I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
