I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
