dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wear drunk well.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
