Well douche your snatch and let's go!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I need water and some morals
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
