You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
