worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
