Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
