I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
