we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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