My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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