You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
