I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
