I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
