It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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