just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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