in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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