How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
