I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
