My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
