hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
