my soul wont recognize me after tonight
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
