Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
