worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
