i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
