Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
