I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
