My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
