but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
