I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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