I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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