Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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