she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
