the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
