When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Vodka?
Forever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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