those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
