Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Bring me that man meat
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
