Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
