I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
