Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
