Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
