Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
