She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
