Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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