i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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